BXBX NOVEL Chapter 554 - 554: Self-Examination
Selma Payne’s POV:
I felt helpless, followed by fear and resistance.
I refused incoherently. “No, Father. It’s too early. I’m not mature enough. I’m not strong enough. I do not understand everything in the vanity fair. I’m not enough to take over your burden. I’m even at a loss about this.”
“When will you be strong, mature, and insightful enough? I think the answer is never. The world is changing every second. New things are constantly appearing, and old things are constantly disappearing. The human heart is as fickle as a river. One second, we think that we have seen through everything, but the next, we find that a new problem has appeared before us.
“Child, everyone is an ignorant acolyte. They are constantly preparing, pondering, and comprehending their responsibilities and values. You’re like this, and so am I. Selma, I’ve been learning daily since becoming the Lycan King. I’ve been trying to make myself a perfect leader. However, the truth is that I’ll never be perfect because there’s no such thing as perfection in this world. All I can do is try not to leave any regrets.
“I understand your fear. When responsibility comes, we will always feel small and want to retreat. But don’t worry, you have family and friends, loyal helpers, and wise advisors. Becoming a king doesn’t mean you have to bear everything alone. No one can bear everything on their own. That is arrogance and irresponsibility. I will help you, your mother will help you, your husband and friends will help you, and your subjects will help you. You are not alone, my daughter. You have everything.”
At this moment, I didn’t know what to say to express my feelings. I’d dreamed countless times of how I would look when I became a queen. That would be an even more glorious honor than now and also an even greater responsibility.
I was excited about this, but I felt even more unsettled and uneasy when this moment truly arrived.
Even if I had many assistants, could I successfully carry out my responsibilities as a queen?
When I sat on the throne, could I convince the ministers? Could I gain the people’s trust and lead the werewolves to a bright future?
At this moment, any fantasy was illusory. The future was unpredictable, and was I the one chosen by fate?
“I don’t know, Father… I don’t know.” I muttered. “Being a queen – I don’t know if I can. This was not a small matter, completely different from being the crown princess. Once I become the queen, no one can cover for me. My every move is closely related to the werewolf pack. Once I make a mistake, there will no longer be anyone to clean up the mess for me, like when I was a princess.
“I’ve made many mistakes, Father. Some of them were insignificant, while others were related to countless lives. These things that once weighed down on my heart have not disappeared even now. They are just hidden in the corner of my memory, waiting for me to commit another unforgivable crime and reappear to blame me for my incompetence and stupidity.
“Becoming a wise queen has always been my drcam. But I don’t know if I can make it happen. What if I make the same mistake again? I won’t have the chance to make up for it, which will likely bring countless dangers to the werewolf pack.”
“I don’t know, Father. I don’t know…”
I felt extremely confused. On the one hand, I knew I should bravely take responsibility and not be so overcautious and in a dilemma.
But on the other hand, those fears were not fake. I was afraid of making mistakes because I had suffered the pain of making them, and others always paid the price for my mistakes.
This made my heart suffer.
My father sighed and then smiled again.
“You may be a little indecisive, child, but I don’t think the flaws can overshadow the merits. This is what makes me believe that my judgment is right. You have the heart of a benevolent person, and this is a necessary condition to become a leader.”
I wanted to say something, but my father didn’t give me a chance. He continued, “But there’s one more thing I have to say. You’re too arrogant, Selma. Your way of thinking is simply too arrogant.
“As I said just now, no one can shoulder everything alone. This kind of thinking is arrogant and irresponsible. Child, have you always been alone? Look around you. You have family, friends, followers, and bystanders.
“Every decision you think you made on your own is inevitably influenced by others. This is especially true when you became a leader – you can’t be an autocratic tyrant because a person’s energy is limited, and it is difficult to take care of everything on your own. This is why we need ministers, officials, and think tanks who can advise us.
“Stubbornly thinking that everything is your fault is just a useless internal friction that can’t solve the problem. A high sense of morality is a form of arrogance. It reflects distrust-distrust of your helpers, so you subconsciously monopolize everything..”