妻子的欲望

Karenina actually understood what happened. She knew Nicholas didn't love her and hoped she would break their engagement. She was not dumb. However, she chose not to take the hint.

How could she ask the king to end their betrothal? She was pressured by her father and her extended family. They relied on her to elevate their family's status.

She also had to carry the shame if those other noblewomen, who were jealous of her luck, mocked her further. By agreeing to the engagement five years ago, Karenina had made herself subject to so many jealousy and awful gossips.

She was between a rock and a hard place. If she insisted on being the king's fiancee, she would have to suffer silently because he didn't love her. And if she broke off their engagement, she would also suffer all kinds of humiliation.

Wouldn't it be better for her to suffer but still get the king in the end? At least her suffering would mean something.

Queen Marianne was so supportive of this relationship. She understood how it was to marry a king who didn't love her back. Yet, in the end, she told Karenina that it was all worth it.

Her son made everything bearable and she could endure the life of being the unloved wife. This was what convinced Karenina to cling to her engagement to Nicholas.

She got the queen's support and she dreamed of the future where she could become the next queen of Riga and give birth to the heir to the throne.

Nicholas didn't understand this because he was selfish and all he thought about was how he could be free from Karenina. He tried to stall for as long as he could until, finally, Karenina couldn't take it anymore.

She wouldn't have to resort to scheming if only the king considered her feelings. What happened last night was not her fault.

She only did what she had to do, to ensure she got what was hers. She had suffered for five years... Karenina wouldn't let all her sacrifice go to waste.

Karenina rose from her seat. Her movement looked so weak. She was tired.

"Your Majesty, I know you must be suspicious of me because I look fine in your eyes." Karenina looked Nicholas in the eye. She pressed a hand to her chest, trying to calm down her anger. "Do you know why I look okay? It's because I don't want to make people think you are a bad guy."

She pursed her lips and held back her sobbing, trying to look tougher. "When they found me, on your bed, naked and assaulted, I was in shock and traumatized, and I told them you raped me. I deeply regretted that. I shouldn't have said anything that would smear your reputation..."

Karenina was impressed at her own lying capabilities. As she heard her own voice, she actually believed her new story.

"As your future wife, I should have protected your name." Karenina lowered her face. She was now looking at the floor. She looked pathetic and miserable. "I was so embarrassed after I woke up the next day and heard all the servants were gossiping about the incident. So, I decided to change my story. I pretend that it was consensual and we are fine. Our relationship is good."

She spoke in a hoarse voice. "I am covering for you because I care about your reputation at the expense of my own. Now, everyone is thinking I am the one at fault. Can't you see how much I love you and would do anything for you?"

Nicholas held his breath when he heard Karenina's explanation. He did hear some servants talk about the king and Princess Karenina sleeping together before the other one said that it was rape.

Maybe Karenina was not lying? Did she truly pretend that she was fine to counter the gossip that Nicholas raped her?

"You don't have to lie for me," Nicholas said flatly. "If I committed a crime, I would be man enough to take responsibility. However, I don't believe I assaulted you. You have to tell me the truth..."

"You think I am lying about us sleeping together?" Karenina raised her face and looked at Nicholas with disbelief. "Your Majesty.. did you hit your head that you forget about what happened?"

She intentionally asked this question to find out if Nicholas remembered what truly happened last night in his chamber... or not.

Nicholas didn't immediately reply. He poured a whiskey to his glass to the brim and downed it. This was all too frustrating.

"Your Majesty..." Karenina repeated her question. "Do you think I am lying to you?"

Nicholas still didn't reply. He didn't want to admit that he had no recollection of what happened. If he did, Karenina would say whatever she wanted and it would be the truth because Nicholas couldn't defend himself.

Karenina understood his reluctance to answer and suspected that her assumption was correct. Nicholas did lose his memory of the night before. She was not sure how it happened. Perhaps, it was the side effect of the aphrodisiac?

"You are not saying anything... which means, you do think I am lying but you are too polite to say those words..." Karenina smiled bitterly. "I didn't expect that Your Majesty would suspect me like this. What woman would humiliate herself like that and allow herself to be the subject of ridicule?"

Her tears started falling down again like a river. "I am not sure what got into you last night. You complained of a headache. So, Noel and I took you back to your chamber. After he left, I decided to stay back to make sure you are safe and I could be there in case you needed me..."

Nicholas stared at Karenina's lips and listened to her every word, trying so hard to decipher if she was telling the truth.

She bit her lip and wiped her tears with the hem of her dress, but they only flowed harder. "After I made sure you lie down in bed to rest, suddenly, you pulled me closer and you ripped my dress with your bare hands. I was shocked and tried to scream for help, but you immediately silenced me with your kiss..."

She lowered her head, looking so embarrassed. "It was my fault. I immediately lost all the willpower to fight back because..."

Because she had been longing for that kiss for so many years.