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Phobos has endeavoured to reach me once more, it always shackles me whenever I am asleep for when my conscious has succumbed to darkness our marks unite to bring us back together and with its aid, he often attempts to communicate with me. I seldom hear and feel him but the aftereffects of it shatter my heart. I am certain my male believes his trials are of no use for never once did I answer him back but he never ceased straining himself wasting the entirety of his energy just so he could hear a sole word from me. With each time I listen and feel him, my mate\'s dread of losing me forever shines through for me to sense and it is a feeling I cannot endure.

Over the past months, his desperation his fear has been difficult for me to neglect. He assumes I have been taken by one of his enemies and he strives each day to discover my location. As Cronus forewarned Phobos indeed brought hell to earth, he invaded the packs of several of his enemies and set fire to their lands. He slaughtered hundreds in cold blood and painted their grounds with their gore. His fury grew when they had stated they did not have me with them, his beast devoured many till their bones and he tore apart anything that stood in his way of getting to me.

My male has uncountable enemies and he has been annihilating each one of them and I feel with every pack he mercilessly massacres he is getting a little closer to me. Cronus notified me that my male was often covered in bleeding wounds that barely healed but he would still get up the next day to attack another pack in his hopeless search for me. He is getting weaker more powerless with each passing day but I still have not made up my mind to return, I feel selfish and unhappy with myself for I know what he is undergoing.

It is not as though I do not want to see him anymore, I do with every haunting breath I take. His sweet words, his gentle caresses and his comforting arms are all I yearn for. But the thought that I would have to return to our lands and confront my demons is something I am still not prepared for. We both hold an apology to give out to one another we both need to speak of our emotions and forever burn this heartache we have caused each other I know this but my greedy desires have been consuming me.

Italy has been good to me so far. I am merely a foreigner to them yet the wolves here with their warm welcoming embrace who opened their home to me is something that I do not wish to leave. I have been truly enjoying my time here it is not like a holiday of some sort but I feel loved and taken care of which reminds me of my own family. The elder females here are kind and look out for me making sure my health does not deteriorate and that I have everything I need which never fails to warm my heart.

Speaking of family, mama, papa and my friends have not been doing well. The fact that I am nowhere to be found is killing them and at one point they forced Cronus to take part in Phobos\'s hunt for me. My male and he are working together and my bother most of the time acts as though he has not got a single clue of my location, he is protecting me putting everything at stake for my sake. The last time I spoke to him he told me not to think about anything else but the well being of my pup and me. He said he would come to pick me up in a heartbeat when and if I am certain of my wish to return home to Phobos. Until then he will continue to put his life on the line.

My male is no ordinary wolf if he came to learn somehow that I am here out of my own will and Cronus and Lumina assisted me to flee his arms he will render out equal punishments he sees fit for it is betrayal. I am unsure if they both being a part of his family will stop him. My selfishness is putting many that I care about at risk but each time I pick up the phone to call Cronus and tell him I am willing to return my being freezes rooting me to my spot and a sense of queasiness fills me. It is an endless futile war I am fighting within to confirm my decision with myself. Do I stay or do I return home?

The only thing that was stopping me and still continues to do so is her. Moira.

I pity that female in a way, if she had desired Phobos I would have allowed my wolf to take control of my flesh and perhaps would have slain her right there in that tent. But when she gazed up at him with those bleary broken eyes I knew it was her male she was seeking for not mine. Yet getting drunk and often kissing a mated male that to her Alpha is shameful no matter what and considering her traditional upbringing it should have brought out a severe sentence for her. But my male\'s friendship with her is so strong that he was willing to freely give himself to comfort her.. Their kiss still plagues my dreams and that is the prime reason for my wavering.