The Adventure of a Boy with the Mind of a Middle-Aged Man

Dozens of water thorns appeared in the air, and, in an instant, all rushed towards the Snake Oni.

“Weak!!” the Snake Oni yelled as he casually swung his large hatchet, reducing the thorns into mere water droplets that soon dispersed.

I thought so. I finally understood after looking closely at his movements: my visual acuity matched completely with my stats. And it’s weird because it matches. After all, I’m fighting against a goblin, so the title【Goblin Slayer】, should be giving me an all-stats up. The fact that my visual acuity hasn’t risen just doesn’t make sense.

I must not be receiving【Goblin Slayer】’s effects. That must be it. Unfortunately, it’ll take a lot of effort to activate its effects in the middle of battle, but I don’t even need to mess around that far in the first place; I’m the careful type you see.

There’s no need to face danger here. I’ve got an extraordinarily sharp sword here after all. It has the downside of being unwieldy, but it should work out against this simpleton.

From his previous movement I had seen through him, so I unraveled my stance. As long as nothing irregular happens, I can’t lose here.

“Oi, Blockhead,” I called out. “I’ll apologize in advance.”

“There’s no use begging for your life this late into the game. You guys are stiff and unappetizing after all. I’ll mince you up and feed you to my relatives.

So he’s still prioritizing his appetite even in the middle of battle. I haven’t fought with anybody decent yet, but he’s just too pitiful.

I used Analyze Environment to grasp the room’s width down to the millimeter.

“Originally, it wasn’t my hobby to torment the weak. But this is your fault, what with your half-assed power.”

I locked onto the room with【Fire Pillar】before casting it and blocked the pillars of flame from reaching us with 【Wind Wall】. Now my preparations were complete.

The rest was up to my hands and feet.

“Caesar, fight as you please.”

In any case, there wasn’t any trust between us, as we had just met earlier. I’ll have him play the role of my sword as best as he can.

“Fight as I please, you say…You are so……” he said as he glanced my way in bewilderment, but I calmly ignored it. He would find out my intentions soon enough.

I casted 【Fireball】dozens of times into the air and in an instant, fired them all at the Snake Oni.

◇◆◇◆◇◆

I launched several 【Fireballs】as they struck the Snake Oni’s skin one after another.

“I said it was useless!!” he said, exasperated, as a 【Water Thorn】snapped past him.

“Where are you aiming—”

The water thorn struck the 【Fire Pillar】and evaporated. Hot steam enveloped our surroundings.

“Wha—!?” the Snake Oni yelped in confusion as white steam blocked his vision.

“Caesar, three steps,” I yelled, before pushing Caesar’s back towards the Snake Oni using the water pressure from 【Water Bullet】.

“Ah!?” Caesar screamed in hysterics. Jeez, don’t get surprised by something as small as that. I’d like my sword to do his job properly.

As expected, Caesar chopped the Snake Oni’s left arm off from behind, which I confirmed with Analyze Environment.

“You lesser beings!!” the Snake Oni howled as he blew away the steam with his big hatchet, leaving behind a truly demonic face.

“It’s useless.”

I struck several 【Fire Pillars】with water thorns, producing copious amounts of steam which quickly obstructed our vision.

I stored the steam into the fire pillars and the 【Wind Wall】for now. You can’t get rid of the steam that easily. On top of that--.

I repeatedly casted【Rock Bullet】, intermittently sending small rocks at the Snake Oni from all four sides which sent his senses of touch and hearing into a state of disarray.

Caesar could probably guess what I’m trying to do now, so there wasn’t any need to tell him how many steps to move.

I once again pushed Caesar’s back using the water pressure from 【Water Bullet】.

“Ahh!” he screamed as he flew past the Snake Oni’s left-hand side, slicing through his femur. The Snake Oni lost his balance and face planted onto the floor. Well, let’s end this.

I released a【Whirlwind】at full power. Wind blades, strong enough to blow away the steam in an instant, carved countless wounds all over the Snake Oni’s body.

“Gugaa!”

Even if I were using a paper knife, he should be in unimaginable pain with that many cuts all over his body.

I turned towards the Snake Oni who was wriggling in agony and pushed Caesar once again.

Caesar swung his longsword across the Snake Oni’s shoulder, and green blood spurted out like a shower as the Snake Oni collapsed face up.

Now, the only things left of the Snake Oni were his torso, head, and right arm. It’s check.

“If only you were a tad bit smarter, I might’ve had a little trouble,” I said.

I’ll grant you a death that you will despise—you’ll die helpless against an opponent you had considered beneath you.. Rejoice. I’ll make you think this is the worst death possible.

I casted the middle rank, wind series magic,【Wind Armor】over Caesar, who cautiously approached the Snake Oni, sword in hand. It wasn’t very effective against an opponent like the Snake Oni, but Caesar should be able to make some use of it.

After he had gotten close enough, Caesar raised his longsword over the Snake Oni.

“Unacceptable,” a voice so full of resentment echoed in my eardrums.

It was in an instant. The Snake Oni was enshrouded in a green miasma.

--GAKI! GUSHA! BEGOO!

The sound of physiological hatred echoed through the room.

“This is bad, Caesar! Hurry and kill him!” I yelled, feeling goosebumps rise on my arms and a shiver run through my spine.

“Oka—” Caesar trailed off as something shot by me. The moment I realized that something was Caesar, the green oni was standing before me in perfect health.

His hair was black, eyes dyed green. His fangs and claws sharply extended out, and his physique had increased a size. He looked like something straight out of a fairytale.

I tried analyzing him but—.

Snake Oni Status HP: C (—/100%) MP: C- (—/100%) Strength: B- (—/100%) Endurance: C+ (—/100%) Magic: C- (—/100%) Magical Endurance: B (—/100%) Agility: C+ (—/100%) Luck: C+ (—/100%) Wisdom: C- (—/100%) Race: Goblin Lord Title: The Heroic Goblin King

That’s bad. There’s too much of a difference in power. If I turned my back on him I’d get killed in an instant at this rate. Furthermore, Caesar, who had been serving as my sword, hasn’t budged since he had gotten hit by that surprise attack. 【Wind Armor】was still active so he seems to be alive at least, but I shouldn’t consider him in this fight anymore.

“I’ll make you lesser beings realize your folly in opposing the king,” the Snake Oni said.

His figure disappeared, and in an instant I was on the floor.

He then stomped on me--his eyes bloodshot. An unbearably intense pain shot through my body as I heard the sound of my bones creaking.

So I’ve already been driven into a corner. For this situation to have turned around so easily, it’s like he’s got plot armor or something. Man, it makes me want to puke.

Well, whatever. I can’t ignore this lowlife anyways. I mean, there’s no way I could lose to a kid who doesn’t even understand the basics of a fight.

I can’t damage him with my current Magic and Strength, and that holds true even if Caesar somehow managed to get back into fighting condition. It’ll be hard to win using just my cleverness. Hm, wouldn’t it work out if I could use my title, 【Goblin Slayer】? That’s simple. At the very least it’s better than trying to escape.

I closed my left eye and slipped into my mind for a bit.

There were several strings in front of me, and those strings were so tightly wound together I couldn’t tell where it begins and ends. I slowly untied the strings, one at a time.

It only took a few seconds in real-time, but finally, I untied all the strings, and in front of me a ball glowed dazzlingly.

I reached out to it when--.

“The title, 【Goblin Slayer】has been completely released,” a robotic female voice echoed in my head. Suddenly, all the pain disappeared.

I grabbed the Snake Oni’s right ankle and stood up.

“Whaa!?” he yelled in surprise before I stomped him into the ground with all my might.

CRAAACK

Countless cracks sprouted from the ground which soon turned into a giant crater.

“Gaha!!” he spat out blood as I lifted him up, still holding his right ankle, and slammed him into the ground once again.

I slammed him into the ground over and over and over.

After dozens more times, I finally drained him of all his strength.

I twisted his ankle into tomorrow as green blood spurted out of his smashed nose.

“Y-you dar—” he began.

It sounded like he was trying to say something, but I just threw him at the wall.

He spun in the air several times before colliding into the wall as the sound of meat crushing reverberated throughout the room.

I kicked off the ground with a leap and rotated my body to temporarily land on the ceiling. I then kicked off the ceiling at full power into the Snake Oni, giving him a right cross into his caved in face. Without pause, I continued with a left cross into an uppercut as I continued to destroy his entire body.

The Snake Oni was sprawled in front of me like an old dust cloth.

His limbs were bent in unnatural directions and his face was destroyed, his previous fearless gaze nowhere to be seen.

“Ple…..op”

“Sorry, but I’ve got no idea what you’re trying to say.”

There was no need to.

I casually pointed my palm at him.

“GUGAa!!!” he screamed in terror as he looked up at me.

I gave my final words to the Snake Oni who was desperately struggling in vain.

“Sorry, looks like you’re the unlucky one.”

It would be merciful to some extent if I let him die like this.

“GUGII!!!”

I activated 【Oni-Slaying Vision】. The world expanded before me and swallowed the Snake Oni whole, sending him into the depths of despair.

◇◆◇◆◇◆

????—Snake Oni The Snake Oni awakened to a room of red tiles in every direction.

He looked towards the center of the room but—.

“Ahh!!?” he let out a shriek.

A myriad of grain-sized clumps wriggled about in the shape of a human.

It was probably his instincts as a goblin. An extraordinary unease that made him want to throw up endlessly washed over him as if all the malice in the world had been condensed into a single thing.

“Oh! That’s right. That’s the proper response,” the white clump of malice nodded in agreement, as if satisfied.

“Y-you……” He began hesitantly as a complacent smile floated onto the white clump.

“Me?” it pointed to itself. “I’m a maritime pilot.”

“Don’t fuck with me!”

“It’s getting better and better. That fear-filled reaction really gets me going. Especially after him,” the white clump laughed before frowning in displeasure for the first time.

“Answer me!!” he yelled at the top of his lungs.

“You’re surprisingly unlucky, having been noticed by that monster in human clothing. There are so many things I’d like to help you with, but rules are rules.”

“What are…..you saying?” he managed to strangle a question out of his drying throat.

“I’m a maritime pilot. Nothing more, and nothing less,” it said. “You’ll now depart on a trip to an endless spiral of death-- a prison that never ends.

“Return me to where I came!!” the Snake Oni yelled in hysterics. A sharp pain ran through his ankles, and he timidly looked up when—.

“!!!?”

An intense fear washed over him as if his heart were being gripped directly. Children endlessly sprouted from the red tiles on the floor and began to coil around the Snake Oni.

“I’ll have them bring you. Now, bon voyage.”

“N-n-noo!!”

The children cried red tears and laughed under their breath as if sneering at his earnest resistance as they continued to cling onto the Snake Oni, dragging him into the ground.

“I, I —!!” he yelled in despair and a hit of regret as the cold floor ripped into his consciousness.