BXBX NOVEL Chapter 116 - 116. It's Okay To Cry
"Hmm... love? For what?"
Gaara, in a whispering voice, answered, "For myself."
"Well, everyone loves a bit of narcissism. No harm in that." Shiroken said.
Gaara was not very experienced when it came to talking to different people. He rarely talked with his siblings anyway. So Shiroken initiated the conversation, "Did you talk to Shukaku?"
Gaara by now knew that the name of the beast inside him was Shukaku. "I did not.."
"Then let\'s do it now. I\'m sure Shukaku also wants to talk to you since he will be out of you soon. Just close your eyes." Shiroken told him.
Gaara was never an excessive speaker, so he just made a decision in his head and closed his eyes. Shiroken was officially the boss of Sunagakure right now and it didn\'t make any sense that he\'d kill him, not when the tailed beast is inside him.
As soon as Gaara closed his eyes. He found himself standing in an endless void with illuminated water as a floor. He turned and found the giant tailed beast, just standing there and staring back at him. It was huge and scared Gaara a little.
"Shukaku, don\'t scare him. Say hello." Shiroken voiced. Gaara calmed down, feeling his presence beside him.
Shukaku scratched his head, "I\'m not being scary. I was just seeing how he\'ll react. Hello, kid. I\'ve been watching you for years."
Gaara nodded, lacking any words to say. He hated the tailed beasts to the core and he guessed nothing could ever change that. But, he had already met Naruto, who showed him how he had a good relationship with his tailed beast. That put Gaara in wonder if he could also have it. But he was scared of meeting the beast on his own, and it didn\'t really matter anymore.
Shukaku scoffed, "Huh, I saved your life and didn\'t even get thanks. What an entitled kid."
Shiroken eyed Shukaku. Shukaku\'s mouth was his biggest problem, he was a master of saying the worst thing at the worst possible time. Right now when he needed to mend his relationship with Gaara, he was shaming him.
"You saved me when?" Gaara asked.
"You were caught by some Anbu and I took over you to defeat them since they were trying to get me out. Huh... stupid humans, they can never defeat this great Shukaku." Shukaku proudly explained.
Shiroken didn\'t even correct him, "He\'s telling the truth, Gaara. Why don\'t you ask him something? I\'m sure you have a lot on your mind."
"Why did you make my life hell?" Gaara asked.
Shukaku scoffed at that, "What was I supposed to do? Just accept that I was a slave? The best chance to free myself was when I was being transferred inside you and when you were a kid. I wanted freedom, boy. I wanted to return home and be with my family. You have no moral high ground on me."
"I never knew anything about you. To me, you were just a monster, put inside me so you don\'t harm the village. I didn\'t know you were purposefully caught by my village." Gaara defended himself.
Shukaku didn\'t buy it, "Then what? If you knew would you have freed me? Most likely not. Believe it or not, you were just a tool for the village to exploit. They wanted you to be their ticking time bomb, that\'s why they brought you here in Konoha so that you can go berserk and destroy the village. You would never have freed me."
Gaara knew this was the truth. How could his village have released their strongest weapon? But that didn\'t mean Shukaku was not in the wrong. "Yes, you were enslaved. Yes, I was wrong. But what about what you did to me? Not for a single day since I was born, I had a calm sleep. You were always there, trying to take over me. If you were a slave to the seal, then I was a slave to you... and the village."
Shukaku didn\'t expect Gaara would say this. But he had no reason to feel bad about Gaara, he just wanted to get out. Shiroken knew this, so he stopped this interaction of theirs.
Gaara again opened his eyes and looked at the sky. Shiroken patted his back, "Don\'t fret about it, kid. Shukaku is one of the foul-tempered ones. Why don\'t you tell me about your life? Do you have any friends in the village?"
Gaara shook his head, "To think I was born to be a Jinchuriki. My life was doomed from the moment of my inception. People see me as a monster... my own siblings look at me as a monster. How could I have had friends?
"I always tried to make friends, but always ended up injuring them. My mother hated me and named me after the phrase "a self-loving carnage" so that I would be a curse upon Suna for what it had done to her. My own uncle, hated me, for causing my mother\'s death. He hated me to the point he wanted me dead, and I killed him. Even in his death, he asked me to die.
I have lost everything I loved. Why must I still try to be good? Why must I love anyone but myself?"
Shiroken had some doubts about Gaara\'s story. He sighed, once again being face to face with the reality of this world, which was nothing but broken. He patted his head, "Why do you think your mother died because of you? Why do you think nobody loves you?"
"Because she died after my birth. The reason behind my existence was to let Suna harness the power of the tailed beast. I was created by my father with this wish, I was taught by him with this wish. But... I could never control it. In many attempts, I destroyed the village. My own father many times tried to kill me but never was successful.
"I am... nothing but a failed experiment."
These words hit Shiroken like a rock wall. His mind immediately thought about himself. "Hahaha... boy, that makes it two of us then."
Gaara looked at his face in confusion. Shiroken continued, "I am also a result of an experiment. I do not know who my mother is or who my father is. All I know is that I was created by some people... to serve their greedy interests probably. But... I somehow escaped. I don\'t even know what I am at this point."
Gaara\'s eyes shined, feeling a sense of closeness to Shiroken for being the same as him, or even worse in some case.
"Then... why don\'t you hate the people? This world?" Gaara asked, trying to find a reason to say his ideology was right.
Shiroken smiled and flickered from his position. In an instant, they arrived outside the Konoha orphanage. Without telling anyone they just entered the infant room. Here, little babies, as young as 3 months old were sleeping in their cribs. All looking cute with plump cheeks. He made sure to not allow any voice to reach the babies.
"I did hate the world initially. I saw the world, the human civilization in its bloodiest era, the warring clans. I saw the foolishness of humans. I wanted nothing but to stop them, destroy them. But, I opened my eyes. Just like me, most of the people in the world were also dissatisfied, all those who were not shinobi only suffered. I slowly realised that it was not humans who cause wars. It was a few people in powerful positions with unchecked ambitions.
"But as a baby, I was found by the tailed beasts and they adopted me. It is funny how I learned to be a good human not from them but rather those the world considered mindless beasts. They are my family... they are the ones I love. I may not have parents... I may just be an experiment, but I still have a family. Life should not be defined by what has happened, Gaara, it should be defined by what one does in the present and the future.
"Tell me, can you kill these little babies? What wrong did they do to you? They are probably even worse than us. We are experiments, but these are discarded children, unwanted by their parents. If you say you have nobody to love... then give it to these loveless kids, because they will actually value you." Shiroken said. Gaara seemed pretty enlightened by this whole talk. His eyes constantly looked at the many babies sleeping in the room.
They all reminded him of nothing but himself. Alone, loveless... unwanted by everyone. Unknowingly, tears welled up in his eyes and started sliding down his face. He felt his face and eyes becoming hot, so he touched them, only to find warm water. He was shocked and finally let it go.
*Sniff* He didn\'t control them, or couldn\'t. All the pent up feelings, pain and frustration of years came out in one go. He used his hands to try to wipe them off but they didn\'t stop.
Shiroken seeing this, quickly knelt and hugged the boy. He rested Gaara\'s head on his shoulder and patted his back. "It\'s okay to cry, Gaara. Don\'t try to hold them, let them out. Think of them as your past, let that past go, so you can add new memories to them. You will never be lonely, boy. You have your sister and brother... also me. So cry all you can. Nobody will judge you here."
His words were like a catalyst and Gaara just pressed his face on his shoulder and cried his eyes out. He felt a certain warmth from Shiroken\'s hug, not physically warm but it was emotional. He wondered if this was what having a father felt like. His body twitched as he wailed silently.
Shiroken didn\'t move, just patted his back the whole time, giving him emotional support. Gaara was just a 12-year-old kid after all.
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