BXBX NOVEL Chapter 133 - Meaningless
Corym, Aien, Durlan, Aeson, Fenian, Nym, Arel, Aias, Elas, Alok, Triandal, Galan, Sinion, Kirion, Gaelin, Halamar, Zeno, Beluar, Kolvar, Reptar, Wyrran, Elre, Laeroth, Theodre, and Beldroth… they were the names of all members of Zaos\'s squad. Half of those names were the names of the recruits that died trying to protect Krisaldia. So, Zaos couldn\'t even recall who they looked like, but the others… he remembered them pretty well. Who was the tallest, the fastest, the shortest, the strongest, the crybaby, the funniest… he knew them pretty well. Although he knew that, Zaos only called them by their names on rare occasions because he wanted to keep a certain distance from them. He did his best to train them, and with that in mind, he assumed that he wouldn\'t feel responsible for their deaths if they die. Zaos couldn\'t be more wrong…
"Is that so…" Zaos said with a blank expression on his face.
"Don\'t feel responsible for it," Elius said. "You had different others and they died following them and they ultimately succeeded, so you should feel happy about the fact that you had such exemplary members on your squad."
Zaos couldn\'t even bring himself to feel sad… he didn\'t have the right to be. He kept his distance from them because he didn\'t want to feel responsible for their deaths, but because he was also scared. He was scared. Would he be able to sleep at night knowing that they had died if they were his friends? Would he be able to keep going despite that? He was named the squad leader, but he didn\'t have the qualifications of a true leader… he did everything just to avoid some trouble down the road.
"What are our new orders, sir?" Zaos asked.
Elius couldn\'t help but sigh after hearing that. Zaos had a strange way of enduring the loss of his allies, his closest allies. He knew very well that Zaos was strict and apparently cold toward others, but he was quick to pay attention to small details and help others fix them. That was why he knew that he was feeling the loss, but he decided to focus his mind on the battle ahead. He could mourn the death of his allies later… if he had the chance.
"…Commander Ruvyn decided to divide our soldiers in two groups: the right wing and the left wing," Elius said. "We will be members of the left wing, but it doesn\'t matter, the task is the same for everyone: prevent the two armies from joining each other and surrounding us."
"So, we will meet them outside these mountains?" Zaos asked. "That is an important vantage that the commander is ignoring."
"That is true, but even so, the enemies outnumber us two to one, they are bound to find the ins and outs of those mountains if we curl up inside the base," Elius said. "Once that happens, the battle will become chaotic, and mistakes in communication are bound to happen. Once the commander is unable to pass any message to his soldiers, then we are good as a bunch of kind playing with real swords."
"Left wing… that sounds good to me," Zaos said.
"… I heard that you were with Verkan in his last moments," Elius said. "He was a great soldier; did you learn anything from him?"
"I am afraid that I am not mature enough to be a smart leader that is also capable of looking after his allies in the battlefield like him," Zaos said.
"Well, if you realized that, then you learned a few things," Elius said. "The mercenaries won\'t throw away their momentum, so the next fight will happen tomorrow between noon and sunset. So, recover your strength while you can."
"Yes, sir," Zaos said.
Elius left, and then Zaos proceeded to change his clothes, and then he headed to the first floor to have his lunch. Since a lot of time had passed since the start of lunchtime, few people were there, most of them were soldiers that fought during the last week. One of them was Drannor, who was looking at his bowl but couldn\'t finish it. Zaos took his own and then approached him. At that point in time, it was useless to pretend.
"I am sorry, Zaos," Drannor said. "I knew what happened, but I couldn\'t bring myself to tell you."
"You did the right thing," Zaos said, and then he began to eat like nothing had happened. "I needed to hear it from the captain and so I did it."
"You sure seem calm despite the situation," Drannor said.
"Are you worried and feeling guilty for what happened to your friends?" Zaos asked.
"Of course, I am," Drannor replied.
"Did that change anything so far?" Zaos asked.
"No…" Drannor said.
"Getting depressed right now won\'t change anything," Zaos said. "We have a battle to win, and we won\'t survive if we let those feelings drag us down. Use the feelings that you can use to make you stronger. You can mourn the losses later. Or do you want to see your entire squad getting killed in this war?"
Those were some heavy words, even heavier since they were coming from Zaos. Drannor realized that his squad only had him and the captain that was supposed to overlook things. If he was depressed, how was Zaos exactly feeling under his usual cold demeanor?
While Drannor was thinking about that, Zaos finished his meal and then tried to ask for more, but the food was almost over. Still, many people needed to eat, so he couldn\'t get a refill.
"I have something for you, follow me," Zaos said.
Drannor had no idea what Zaos was talking about, but then he received the spear that he had brought with him on the day before. He had ignored it at first, but in the end, he couldn\'t do it once he touched the weapon.
"It is a magic weapon that one of the mercenaries used," Zaos said. "If you use it, you will be able to move much faster at the cost of some mana. That should help, but it will also make you a target of many enemies since it is an item created by the mercenaries and the followers of the demon god."